Anything Will Do
by Cheeseburger of Doom
Summary: Things change. People change. It's not always enough. Denial can destroy everything.
1. Yagyuu

A/N: The same story is told twice. I divided it into two chapters to make it easier to read. This is a little similar to something I did a while ago, but it still has its own...something.

Anything At All

YAGYUU

It began in junior high when they started playing doubles together on their school's tennis team. Seeing each other became a habit, and one that it did not seem particularly necessary to break when they reached high school and decided to stop playing tennis altogether.

The decision to stop playing tennis was Niou's. He declared that he was bored with the sport and wanted to try something different, and that if Yagyuu kept playing tennis he would have to find a new partner.

Yagyuu was good enough to play singles, certainly, but he was not as good as some of the other members of the high school tennis team. It was highly unlikely that he would ever be able to play anything but doubles. He knew right away that he would never be able to learn to play with anyone else, because it had been hard enough to get used to Niou. He did not like it when people invaded his space, but it had been necessary to let Niou in; he didn't want to let anyone else in if at all possible.

Yagyuu did not need Niou to play tennis. He was not a sentimental fool, especially since he did not care much for Niou in the first place. It was simply a matter of remaining as anti-social as possible.

The day after Niou quit, Yagyuu was no longer on the tennis team, and he never picked up a racket again.

The decision to become more than what they were was Niou's. It was Niou who decided to kiss Yagyuu one evening as they were studying for a test, and Niou's idea to keep kissing Yagyuu even when he protested. Granted, it was not much of a protest, since Yagyuu half-heartedly tried to push him away.

It was Yagyuu's choice, however, to stop pushing and just let it happen. When Niou pulled away from him and smirked at him, Yagyuu realized that Niou had gotten under his skin in the worst possible way, and he would have trouble in the future because of it.

"Well?" Niou was obviously waiting for some kind of statement about how Yagyuu felt about the kiss he had just received. Yagyuu had no comment to make, however, so instead he met Niou's gaze and held it.

An eternity passed before Niou looked away. He was laughing.

"I don't get you," he said. "I though I knew everything about you that time that we pretended to be each other, but I really don't know shit all about what's going on in that head of yours."

"My thoughts are my own, no one else's."

"Sure." Niou's expression was almost as unreadable as Yagyuu's own. "Can I kiss you again?"

Yagyuu made a slight motion that could have been construed as a shrug, so Niou took it as an affirmative.

Niou was a good kisser, and making out with him was far from unpleasant, but something in Yagyuu was growing increasingly uneasy.

Don't care too much, his instincts told him. Try not to care at all.

Yagyuu had hormones just like any other teenager. When Niou seduced him, he saw no reason to refuse what was being offered. This would not affect his vow to keep people away; there would be no strings attached, of course. It was just sex. Niou must have known that, or else he would never have tried anything on Yagyuu. Niou must have known that Yagyuu would never feel anything for anyone; it was evident in all that he did.

The only reason Yagyuu spent any amount of time with Niou was because it was a habit that had not been broken.

"Are you certain you want to do this?" Yagyuu asked.

"I'm the one who asked for it," Niou replied. "You make it sound like it was your idea."

"I just don't want to take the blame if you have any regrets later." Yagyuu also did not want to deal with it if Niou started to expect anything of him.

"I won't regret it if you're any good," Niou said. The smirk on his face was quite irresistible, so Yagyuu did not try to resist it.

When it was time for college, the pair moved in together. The habit of spending time together had not yet been broken. Yagyuu did not think that it was too dangerous to stay with Niou. There were still no strings attached.

Once in a while, Yagyuu had the distinct feeling that Niou was engraved too far into his daily schedule that he would never get him out...but that was nonsense, and he always dismissed that thought.

Living together was a convenience, and nothing more. It was cheaper that way, and being around Niou when he felt like screwing was definitely not a disadvantage.

When he saw Niou in someone else's arms, he did not even blink. Niou saw him, and saw that he saw, but Yagyuu gave no outward reaction.

It did not matter to him if Niou was with someone else. It was not as though they had made any promises to each other or anything of the kind.

Yagyuu did not care.

His heart was aching strangely, and he felt a sudden urge to rip the throat out of whoever Niou was with, but that was only because he hadn't been sleeping very well lately. He was hallucinating, and not thinking rationally...he must have been sick, that was all.

Yagyuu did not care. He had not allowed himself to care, he would never allow himself to care. If he started to care, it would only end up hurting him in the end; he had sworn never to let anyone into his heart, and he would stick by that oath no matter what.

Niou's expression went through a variety of changes. His smug look turned into something like surprise, and then deep unhappiness, before settling into an unreadable mask.

Yagyuu did not want to wonder what all of that meant. He turned, and walked away.

Niou did not come to bed that night. In the morning when Yagyuu woke, he was gone.


	2. Niou

NIOU

Niou Masaharu had once believed that he understood Yagyuu Hiroshi. Once in their junior high days, he had dressed as his doubles partner for a particular tennis match, and he'd done a very good job of imitating Yagyuu's mannerisms. He had assumed that since he was good at pretending to be him he knew all there was to know about Yagyuu.

He realized that he was completely wrong only when Yagyuu Hiroshi destroyed him.

Niou and Yagyuu started sleeping together towards the middle of their high school years. They had spent most of their time in each other's presence since their junior high days, when they'd been doubles partners on the tennis team. They no longer played tennis, but being near each other was a habit that neither had tried to break.

It seemed quite natural to want more out of the one person that he saw the most. Niou did not really like people in general, and Yagyuu was the only person that he cared to be near on a regular basis. That was a little odd, because Yagyuu was the type of person he usually hated the most. He supposed it was because he was used to Yagyuu's presence; had gotten used to that presence while playing doubles with him in junior high.

He supposed that Yagyuu tolerated his presence because he found him interesting.

When high school was over, they moved in together. Yagyuu attended college, and Niou went through an assortment of odd jobs. He'd had enough of school, and he shook his head at the amount of homework he saw Yagyuu working on every night. Yagyuu seemed to thrive on that, though.

Living together was convenient in many ways. They could share all the bills, and they could share much more than that. It was easier to be together when they did not have to sneak around and wait for one or the other's parents to be out. Niou's parents still did not know the true nature of his relationship with Yagyuu, which was just as well because they never would have approved. Not that he cared, but life was easier while they were ignorant.

Niou himself wasn't even sure of the true nature of his relationship with Yagyuu. They slept together, and on a regular basis, but it seemed like that was all they shared. Their interests were completely different, especially since they had stopped playing tennis, and their personalities were not in the least compatible.

So why are we together? Niou mused, one night. If it's just sex, I don't really need him. I can have anyone I want. Well, he is good...and he was my first, so I guess I'm just afraid to try anyone else. It's just a habit.

Niou did not believe in love, but he knew very well what need meant. Little by little, he realized that he needed Yagyuu in a way that he had never needed anyone else. It was not just about sex (though he had nothing to complain about there), but it was about...everything else, it seemed.

Niou wanted Yagyuu's approval; he wanted Yagyuu's undivided attention; he wanted...he wanted many things that he would probably never be able to have.

Yagyuu never showed any emotions whatsoever. Niou couldn't tell if that was because he didn't have any emotions, or if he was just very good at hiding them. Whatever the case, Niou had no idea what Yagyuu felt about him at all.

It was Niou's fault that their relationship was like this; Niou's fault that they were lovers without having any love involved. He was the one who had done the seducing -- and at the time, it had seemed like a good idea. It still seemed like a good idea, every time they did it, but afterwards -- it wasn't good anymore.

Niou knew, deep down, that Yagyuu probably didn't care an ounce about him. He still couldn't help but hope, though. He hoped that since Yagyuu had become important to him, that maybe -- just maybe -- Yagyuu had developed something towards him.

He wanted to test his theory -- needed to test his theory. One night, when he was sure that Yagyuu would be home a little later, he decided to do an experiment. He picked up someone at a bar, and brought him home, and made sure that when Yagyuu walked in, they were in each other's arms.

I'm screwing around on you, right in front of you -- what are you going to do about it?

Yagyuu didn't even blink. He nodded at Niou -- a simple greeting -- and then he went into their room.

Niou told his fling to get lost; he was finished. He felt his heart breaking. He had realized in that moment that he cared far too much, and Yagyuu cared far too little.

This whole relationship was a mistake. They had been together for a long, long time, but it didn't mean anything. It didn't mean anything at all.

It was time for him to leave -- time for him to start over.

It was time to say goodbye to Yagyuu, and forget about him.


	3. Niou

A/N: I got a few requests for this, so I wrote it! If you like angst and liked the original ending, then...I love you! Because I wanted to leave it there, like the evil fiend that I am...but alas, I am a slave to people who ask nicely, and therefore I have continued from where I left off, and given them a different ending...

Same split PoV kind of deal as last time -- only this time I'm putting Niou first. It's not the same story twice this time -- well, you'll see.

NIOU

More than anything, Niou wanted to stay away from the apartment that he thought of as home -- but after spending the night sleeping in an alley and jumping at every noise thinking that someone was trying to rob him, he realized that he had acted a bit rashly. He had thought to stay in a hotel, but he'd forgotten his wallet at the apartment -- and he'd been to stubborn to go back and get it. He needed to at least return to get his things, and make a phone call to his parents -- begging them to let him come home. They loved him, certainly (especially since they didn't know he was gay, the bastards) but they would not be happy that he was coming home at his age.

What was he going to say to them, anyway? Now that he thought about it, "My boyfriend is a bastard and I don't want to see his face anymore, is it all right if I sleep in my old room for a while?" wasn't the kind of thing they would really want to hear. He could substitute "boyfriend" for "girlfriend" but that sounded wrong -- because he knew it wasn't true.

Whatever the case, he had to go back and get his things. He only hoped that Yagyuu would be out somewhere, doing whatever, so that he wouldn't have to see the bastard's face -- because he was afraid that if he saw that face he would lose his resolve.

What do I want from him, anyway? Niou wondered. What the hell is my problem? I've always known that he couldn't give me anything but a good fuck -- so why am I so pissed off?

The mysteries of life were too elusive for Niou at this time of the morning, especially when he was tired and dirty. He trudged back to the home that was no longer home. He at least wanted his CD player, so he could listen to angry music and curse at the universe.

Niou had at least brought his key with him, although his original intent had been to flush it down a toilet in some bar so he'd never have to see it again. He was glad that he hadn't, because he really didn't want to have to knock, and have Yagyuu answer the door -- if Yagyuu was even home, which he hoped he wasn't.

Unfortunately, when Niou entered the apartment, he found Yagyuu seated on the couch, smoking a cigarette. For a moment, all Niou could think about was how damn sexy that looked; the fact that cigarettes equal death was beside the point.

Then Niou remembered how angry he was, and forgot about the sexy factor.

Yagyuu was watching some sort of movie. From the looks of it, an old sappy love film with horrible acting and a worse plot. That was funny -- Yagyuu wouldn't have known love if it had bitten him on the ass.

Not that Niou himself was an expert on love, anyway.

"Well, it looks like you're really upset that I left," Niou said. His voice was cheerful -- inside, he had a sudden urge to wring Yagyuu's neck and make him die painfully.

Yagyuu looked up at him with that cool, unwavering gaze that Niou had always found so appealing -- Niou liked them tall, dark and mysterious.

Actually, Niou had never really liked anyone but Yagyuu.

"I thought you were having fun with that new toy of yours."

A guy that Niou hadn't even cared about, and had brought home to get a reaction out of Yagyuu -- except Yagyuu never had a reaction. Ever.

"You really don't give a fuck, do you? Oh, wait -- fucks were all you gave." Niou couldn't keep the bitterness out of his voice. He couldn't pretend that he didn't care anymore. If he didn't care, then why was he so miserable right now?

Of course he bloody well cared. He wouldn't have stayed with Yagyuu for so long if he didn't.

It was only too bad that things had just started to sink in lately -- especially the fact that Yagyuu Hiroshi was a huge son of a bitch.

"You knew that all along," Yagyuu said.

Yes, Niou should have known that all along -- and yet, somewhere along the way, he'd begun to hope that Yagyuu stayed with him because -- well, because of more than just convenience.

That was obviously too much to hope for. Niou should have known better than to act like a sentimental fool. He didn't believe in love anyway.

Niou did, however, believe in need.

"You're a real fucking winner, you know that?" Niou spat. "I hope you fucking rot in hell."

Yagyuu's only response to that was to light up a new cigarette. His first had been smoked away.

"I came for my shit," Niou said.

"Then by all means, take your 'shit'," Yagyuu said. "You know where it is."

"You know what, Yagyuu?" He hadn't called Yagyuu that for years -- it was usually Hiroshi, or Hiro-chan when he was in a silly mood --

"Yes, Niou-kun?"

"Up yours, asshole."

Yagyuu turned back to his sappy movie, and Niou decided that he hated Yagyuu Hiroshi more than anyone else in the world -- except for maybe himself, because he'd been stupid enough to fall for Yagyuu Hiroshi in the first place.

Niou was on the train and halfway to his parents' house when he realized something.

Yagyuu had never smoked a day in his life; at least not in all the years that Niou had known him.

So why had he been smoking that afternoon?

Niou ignored the strange looks that the lady across from him was shooting his way -- if she was disturbed by his sudden hysterical laughter, that was her problem.


	4. Yagyuu

YAGYUU

Yagyuu had run out of cigarettes. They had done nothing to calm his nerves, no matter how many he smoked; now that all he'd bought were gone, he decided not to do that again. He'd always thought smoking was disgusting, and he hadn't changed his mind after trying it. In fact, he felt very, very sick.

Yagyuu was not in love with Niou. That did not explain, however, the reason why he had smoked entirely too many cigarettes while watching sappy love films that made him want to vomit. He was not like any of the idiots in those movies; he had never fallen in love, would never fall in love, was not in love --

That also did not explain why he kept looking over his shoulder to see if Niou had come back yet.

He knew it was over now because of the exchange they'd had that afternoon. Niou had made it quite clear that he was through with Yagyuu, and what Yagyuu did not have to offer.

That was fine. Yagyuu did not need Niou, because he did not need anyone. He wasn't like that. He could function perfectly well on his own.

Yagyuu wondered if he should try drinking next.

No, that was a bad idea; he already felt sick from the cigarettes. If he got drunk then he would end up cleaning puke off of everything. He definitely wasn't in the mood for that.

There were no more bad love movies on TV. He turned the thing off and went out to rent some.

He wasn't like those fools in the movies -- and that was why Niou was gone.

When Yagyuu arrived back at his (not their, not anymore...) apartment, he was surprised to see that a light was on.

He was even more surprised to see Niou sitting on the couch.

"Welcome home, asshole," Niou said. "Were you out buying more cigarettes?"

"No," Yagyuu said. "They don't agree with me."

"Good. They'll kill you, so stay away."

Yagyuu deposited the bag he was carrying on the table, then sat in a chair opposite Niou. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to tell you not to smoke anymore," Niou said. "Even if it looks sexy, it's not good for your health."

"That makes very little sense," Yagyuu said.

"It makes perfect sense. Why were you smoking today?"

"What?"

"You've never smoked before."

There was danger in this conversation. Yagyuu could sense it, and he wanted to hide from it -- but maybe it was time to stop being a coward.

Maybe if he took a chance just the once, he would be able to prevent Niou from disappearing. His lungs would thank him for it, anyway.

"I never felt the need."

Niou stared at him for a long time; long enough to make Yagyuu thoroughly uncomfortable, though he didn't show it. He didn't want Niou to know how much he affected him -- didn't want Niou to know how empty the apartment had felt without him...

"So you were feeling the need today?"

"Obviously."

"I think you might just like me after all, Hiro-chan."

Yagyuu stiffened. "I never said that."

"No, you never did, and I was getting really pissed off with you, asshole." Niou grinned, and for some reason, it made Yagyuu relax. "I forgive you though, since you're stupid."

"Have you been drinking? You aren't making sense at all this evening."

"I haven't been drinking. I was on a train on the way to my parents' when I realized that I missed your ugly face."

"You're full of insults."

"That's because I want my revenge on you for the bullshit that you put me through." Niou leaned forward, and snatched Yagyuu's glasses away from him -- Yagyuu found himself to close to Niou. He couldn't hide anything at this level...

"I'm not happy with just fucking, Hiroshi. If I'm wrong about this, if you really are as much of a cold-hearted person as you pretend to be, then tell me now. If you care at all, even just a little, then for fuck's sake, be honest about it. I'm tired of not knowing, tired of wondering, and tired of hoping."

Yagyuu opened his mouth to tell Niou to go home to his parents where he would be appreciated.

"Don't leave me again, Masaharu."

The smile that lit Niou's face was something rare, but beautiful. Yagyuu finally realized that all his efforts all these years had been completely useless. Niou Masaharu was a disease, and he'd caught it -- and there was no cure for it whatsoever.

"I'll only make that promise on one condition," Niou said.

"What condition is that?"

"Next time I'm screwing around, at least make somewhat of an effort to be jealous, all right?"

Yagyuu shook his head. "I'm not going to agree to that."

"Why not?"

"Because you won't be screwing around again," Yagyuu replied. He pulled Niou onto his lap and gave him a kiss that would ensure that he never looked at another man again.

Yagyuu had done his damnedest not to care, but he'd failed; and in that moment he couldn't bring himself to be upset about it. Perhaps failing once in a while was a good thing after all.

"Hiroshi?"

"Hmm?"

"You stayed with me because you love me, right?"

"Hm."

"I'll take that as a yes."

"Good night, Masaharu."

"I love you too, asshole."


End file.
